In one of our edgiest productions yet, we present a new villainess, who traces the roots of her creed back to its first prophet, Karl Marx, who separated the world into “oppressors and the oppressed.” In the wake of Marxism’s myriad and manifest failures, Postmodernism rose to fill the void, yielding Critical Theory to pursue struggle in the service of “Social Justice.” Watch the video HERE: or read through the transcript below.
My name is Critical Race Theory.
Welcome to my Church.
Our first prophet, Karl Marx, gave us a vision of socialism, dividing the world between oppressors and the oppressed. But a demon called Reality thwarted him at every turn. So Postmodernism rose to deny Reality, deconstructing language and art.
Critical Theory founded our order, deconstructing theory -- not in search of the false god of truth, but to glorify Social Justice.
She raised us in our convent. In academic isolation, I studied with my sisters -- Queer Theory, Gender Studies, Postcolonial Studies, and other acolytes.
But I wasn't satisfied with the cloistered life. I wanted converts, pageantry, power. So I decided to start my own religion.
I made a deal with a devil -- his name was Racism. He taught me the paramount importance of skin color and I shared his obsession with DNA.
With his help, my cult would be far more radical than the old-fashioned anti-racism of Martin Luther King Jr. and Frederick Douglass.
They failed to recognize that whites are born racist -- and can only come to terms with their sins by seeing race more, not less.
Besides, they may have been black, but they were also male, and therefore sexist.
My new creed of Intersectionality connected black oppression with other bigotries and phobias, leading to church hierarchy elevating those who could claim to be most victimized.
Like religions of old, I appealed to guilt, shame, and above all, unquestioning obedience. I popularized my faith with mantras like Black Lives Matter, and invented rituals.
My followers weren't "saved" -- they were "woke." My chosen people were sanctified solely by the color of their skin. And whites could be allies only by acknowledging their inherent racism -- their original sin.
We moved beyond the universities to capture institutions like the New York Times, which published our gospel in the form of the 1619 Project, which denounced Abraham Lincoln an unrepentant racist, and made slavery the focal point of American history.
We even developed curricula for high school and elementary schools, and trained teachers to affirm black children in their victimhood, and compel white children to atone for the sins of their forefathers.
When parents objected, we branded them as terrorists -- or pretended that I didn't exist.
Unbelievers were easily blamed and shamed, but a new breed of heretics proved more problematic. Freethinkers like Jason Hill, Kmele Foster, and John McWhorter rejected my narrative, and ridiculed my data. Usually I'd just call them racist, but they weren't white -- so I came up with a new construct: Ideas are racist! They had white ideas.
Remember, I will always keep my flock safe from violent words, because safety is more important than anything, even truth. The righteous cannot permit heresy. Heretics will be canceled, and if that doesn't work, we can always cancel them the old fashioned way.